A new kind of superhero...

I have no idea how I forgot about this when I was writing the other day, but it's okay because now I have two completely ridiculous stories.

When Melissa came back from her prep the other day, she was on the computer and in the "history" tab noticed that someone had been searching for porn. When she confronted her students about it, they told her that it had been one particular student who had done it while the "art" teacher was in the room. (I put quotation marks on that because this man is, as a teacher, completely useless. Funny, entertaining, and by and large popular with the students, but also completely and utterly useless- he's a long-term sub who basically hangs out and reads the paper with the kids. He's currently in for the art teacher who I think just walked out one day and never came back, and he has been for months, but the only art that happens during that period is kids drawing on their desks) They told her no one else would ever do it, and that she would never catch him because he would never do it while she was in the room. As she started devising a plan to catch him, she started checking the history of what he had been searching for (we're hoping most of the actual links got blocked by the school district, but somehow some of the computers aren't linked into the censor thingees properly- the history, however, shows all links searched for, not just visited, so she found quite a bit).

Best search of the bunch? Simpsons porn.

The other thing that I completely forgot about until Melissa reminded me of it is the new eighth grade superhero, formerly of my roomate from last year's class. This kid is now in a push-in (the "model" I do most of the time) class with a pretty awesome sped teacher, whose exploits include making up fake standardized tests with made-up words for the fun of watching other teachers explode. I have to say it was a pretty awesome test... although he then had to run to tell the people he gave it to that it was a joke before they went and flipped out on the department chair.
So the other day when I was with Little Jay, trying to find Big Jay's teachers, I run into this teacher, Jabberwock (after the text he based his fake test on), walking the little superhero down the hall. Jabberwock stops me.

"Ms. A, do you know M? He's one of my students."
"Nice to meet you, M."
"Now," Jabberwock started, obviously trying to keep a straight face, "M has decided that he needs a new tag. So he decided to be a superhero. See, he made a shirt and everything."
The kid grinned and nodded emphatically.
"I see," I said, noticing that the kid had drawn a Superman-style logo on the front of his t-shirt, only instead of an "S" there was a "J". "Super J?"
"Not quite..." Mr. Jabberwock trailed off.
"Super Jizz!" M yelled.

Jabberwock and I looked at each other. I looked away, then at the floor for a minute, trying very hard to not look at either M or LJ until I got my facial expressions under control.

"Super jizz?" I asked. M nodded emphatically some more, pushing his chest out to show off his "J".
"Now, I'm trying to explain to him why that's maybe not the best name without explaining why, exactly, that's not the best name, because he doesn't see why that might not be the best thing to go around calling himself and get known by..."
"Mmmhmmm," I tried to make agreeing sounds without laughing, and found myself silently thanking whatever powers that be that I started with sixth and not eighth grade...
"See, M, it's kind of like calling yourself "Super Snot", only worse." Jabberwock explained again.
"But why?"

Luckily LJ had wandered away to disrupt another class. I'm not sure I could have kept a straight face through that conversation or had to talk to him about it afterward. Part of me thinks that no kid could possibly have gotten through three years at that school and be that clueless about something like that... but part of me no longer doubts any potential for stupidity from any human being...